NW:O - Pride Before A Fall

3/15/13

The couple across the platform make out with reckless abandon, wrapped in tightly wound arms, embracing a quietude to their passionate display. On either side of them are ads proclaiming lips, and temptation, in obvious and blatant manner. 

Is this a sign, a moment of entangled bliss shown to me as a scene of my own creation, inspiring me towards a Spring romance? I just left a date with a gorgeous transgender girl, had the most simple, beautiful nights of my life. 

I am chock full of confidence and swagger, or at least the most my body and mind have ever held at once, and I was thrilled when our legs would tap, calves dry humping in the most innocent of ways. My hand shakes as I figure out the best placement on the back of her chair. 

I try not to drink too much in nervousness, but even over dinner I'd watch her play with her hair, blatantly avoiding my gaze. She must think I am cute and interesting, and all the qualities girls like in a boy. Surely.

I jump on the L back home after meeting up with Jared. I feel weird about mentioning her as a transgender girl, but I want to. It doesn't matter and the fact that I had that inner monologue means that we're not there as a society, which makes me mad, and feel removed from the average person.

But I do tell him how amazing it was, fill him in on the previous insanity life has thrown my way, a suicidal schizophrenic pseudo-girlfriend, a credit card company suing me, and my dad proclaiming himself as my arch-enemy, a role I wrote for him.

Our goodnight kiss will go down in personal history. I felt like a man, fully for the first time in my life, took her to dinner, a date of burlesque, acrobatics, and magic, the stage variety for a change. We sipped cocktails, cuddled up upon the third act, hobnobbed with some performers. 

Afterwards I walked her to the F at Delancey, spun immediately around and softly but firmly kissed just the puckered up edges of her lips. I saw the moment where a tongue would slip inside and instead relished that sensation of pure, physical love for another.