New World: Order - The Donut Seduction

2/10/14

She comes wrapped in sugar sweetness but there is no sweet filling, only the rotten core of modern feminism, dysfunctional sexuality, and limited emotional capacity. Yet again I find myself saturated with sentimental sentiments, caught in a relationship of potential, with none of the payoff.

I should learn at some point, to cut the ties, stem the tide, delay the inevitable decay of romantic notions from my mind. But this is the end of it all, no more can my spirit stand tall in the face of ambivalent emotionality. A final test I hope, one that pushes me to the other side of sane, where I no longer need to slap words together to soothe my wounded soul.

She's the tease, a taunt, a succubus of sugar coated fury, here to dismantle my sex drive, before it harms anyone else, meaning myself, once again. I don't care anymore. The lust has been bust, and now I no longer know why I care. Remove the prize, and watch the shift in the eyes, because this nightmare has begun to rise from me. 

I hate that foolish romantic that sees naught but the best of folk, hoping against hope that I shan't once more be the dope, that I won't hang myself with the available rope. That I won't fall in love with those who can't love and that I will find what I need inside. That I needn't cry every time I allow someone inside. 

But I do, as I have, and will once more. Then, I close the door. My balls ache with fury and no more will I suffer their wrath. Better to have the whole libido under wraps than be under constant attack. Alice was lost, in a land where sweets were sour, and the knight who sought her, high up in her tower, well, he's given up, conserved his power.

You were never worth it, and you never will be. You don't want healing, you want placidity, a temporary patch on a deep boo-boo, until you knew that I was hurt too, then rejection and impulsive lashing out would remove the problem for you. I'm an afterthought in the dilemma of being you. 

I want to put a bullet in my head. I want death, more than ever, even as I inch closer to the finish line. Fuck all of this, whatever I was given, time enough for calamity & misfortune to grow to exponential rates, for my heart to be dragged along endless rakes, just please let my suffering end for goodness sakes. I can not lie next to an empty vessel any longer!

I imagine slicing along veins, allowing blood to pour from within my skin, all out onto the floor and what's more, I feel my mind begin to explore that ethereal realm.