5/20/14
Agent Odette Coquette is a beauty unparalleled. She had bound into my life, leaping to freedom, taunting me into escape, alluring liberation lies beside her. Clumsily, I followed.
Once outside the limits of all I knew, I held her, beyond all comprehension, a goddess of a girl, the best and brightest I had laid eyes upon. It awoke a love I have been building, breaking, and repairing for an entire lifetime so I could give her all she needed.
She danced, once. She doesn't talk about why she doesn't anymore, though I see more to the disguise, the beguiling eyes that entrance to inspire and fantasize, capturing attention from guys, innocent wonder and playful malice flicker inside.
The act is the show, is all she may know, to dream again and feel oh so full of purpose and self, seems an impossible task. Though what I recognize is that self-destructive impulse pulsating beneath a fear of the world, confidence shaken as latent issues rock the foundation of herself.
At first we make for unlikely partners, miss-matched team-up, both too torn down to love. She remained a Quantum Enigma, a Schrodinger's Crazy Cat Lady of unpredictable impulse, while I, fresh from internal incarceration, scared stiff, still in shock, reclaiming my former persona in post-Armaggedon.
As Ragnarok was called, so too were we, to duty. That's when the Valkyrie began to rise within her. And I, she knew, was a monster, Fenrir, Son of Loki, slayer of the all-father Odin, was a wolf in sheep's clothing, despite feeling like the boy who cried to his demise.
She turned on me with no mercy, tearing my psyche to shreds, gutting me there on the hotel bathroom floor. All purpose, worth, and strength left me and so I continued the charade that would see me to the end. I vented and raged, threatened my own life over and over, then simply needed her gone, but I was powerless in her presence.
Finally she destroyed me. Punctured my heart through years of armor, laid low the beast of captivity in my canine soul, ended my Ego, and revealed my mind. I felt broken inside though in time I knew I would be fine. But what was the physical trauma I was experiencing, so used to the affect heartbreak brings but so foreign a feeling still.
I shook with anxiety, my mind raced, I ran scenarios and situations, tried all positions on for size, imagining her thighs, opening up to receive this guy, this photographer sleeze, though in my heart I know it was her on her knees, eager to please. She wanted him and had him, til she had her fill. And who was there to make sure she didn't spill?
Odette is the swan princess of which she is named, in beauty, grace, and charm, but as a Coquette she is nothing but the tease, seductress, succubus, feasting upon adoration. Odile is darkness, subconscious unresolved, a monster of her own making, a truer self never seen.
This is why I'm here, with her. I stood up after that. I held her hand, kissed it, acknowledged all she knew herself to be, and continued to love her the same as I had the first moment our eyes met. I cleared away debris to see there was more of me than I realized. A monster that will not die, that has been freed.
I played the Fool, forced my hand, and ultimately took a stand. I am no longer bound, as the Spanish music pounds from below, subway rattles past, sirens squelch in the night, I am still inside. The shakes have passed once more. I proved all I needed to, and for now work must be done.
Looking over at her, brushing her hair from her neck as she looks away, attempting not to glare my way in slight discomfort from the sheer love rays firing upon her face from mine. I grin like a madman, but only because gazing upon such a radiant and regal lady, I know I found a Princess. My Queen.
We will make an appearance in the court, mixing with the common folk, before soaring off to behold such beauties of burlesque, knowing my lust to be real, and mine, for her, for them, for the world!
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