First Date

I'm never nervous before first dates. If anything it's my natural environment. A gal across from me, probably a bit anxious, which just brings out my best. Getting to know someone with no approach or ice breakers needed to get things rolling? Yes, please!

I was never good at meeting girls out and about at bars, unless there's a dance floor involved, and then I let my sweet dance moves and shy demeanor do all the work. Plus guys in NYC really set the bar low. If I'm not a total douchebag well that's half the work down. My only real problem is reigning in the charm and sweet talking.

Too often my people pleaser side takes control and I overdo it. Rather than a nice date it's a quick segue into IAR* status. I feel there's something so wrong with me that I project this unreasonably awesome version of myself. It becomes too hard to maintain, especially when I start seeing the cracks in the girl's Dreamgirl facade that I project upon her.

Well time to figure this out. Be myself, my true self who very few people get to see. The strong, confident person that doesn't need to be co-dependent. That doesn't need the affection and adoration of a female to be solid. I've got an apartment in my dream location, a cool new roommate, a comic book in the works, and a bunch of friends who I can build a new life around. Funny how not needing something almost certainly guarantees you'll get it. But what do I want? Certainly not "love". Been there, done that, got the tattoo. It didn't go down how I expected. It all feels like one prolonged delusion in the end. And really, all I need now is reality.

Well that and a shit ton of fun.