196 days
This is the first time I am able to stop and put down into words the maelstrom of chaos I have been swept into.
We have past the horizon point into the everyday sealed off pocket universe of an inwardly spiraling black hole in the fabric of time and space.
Everything seems the same because we've been bracing for impact for aeons worshipping sun gods and televising spectacles, creating fiction so fantastic that one wonders if it's not the idea of doomsday that brings about the reality of Apocalypse.
2012 is all I dreamt it would be. Madcap adventures with like-minded bohemian burnout alcoholic hippy dreamers with perfect balance between cynical and mythological. We black out and laugh, revelry at its finest.
And why should we not celebrate. This is Ragnarok and we are the warriors of moral and creative endeavors, the flame of revolution in our breasts, the spark of sensation lost in our eyes. This is the New World and we are its Order.
My name is Charles Crown. I have studied chaos and its effect upon the self in modern day times. Whether a delusion of self-made reality or psychic hypnosis or a cosmic alignment of all symbols in regards to the individual internal recognition of malleable reality, all I know is I have been on a path my entire life.
Schizophrenia is a dime a dozen these days and let's just say a savior would rise, a king would come forth, a hero born unto mankind, what then? Destroyed by the pratfalls of common psyciatry and be labelled a loon? Haha how lowly we think of the return of something that changed the course of history.
So, do I say, I am your savior? Hell no. But I do see truth, and for those who wish to hear it, I will put it into words that will comfort and inspire. I recognize that burning fire and I only want to tell you what I wished someone told me.
You will survive this and do so many great things with your life.
What if that sentence was fed through the masses like the way Kardashian asses sashay away in pop culture multi-media EMPIRES?
The means of distribution for words of revolution are more accessible than ever in the entire history of mankind. Society is so numb and dumb but one moment could alter all we know. All I want, is to line up te shot.
I am Agentfenris. Hexagram 63 - water over fire, after completion. Half feral wild child of Loki, half artificial intelligence sci-fi programming.
I stalked the city streets in the East Village careening into madness and typing in dive bar bathrooms on my Sidekick, snippets of madman poetic ramblings of a lonely boy which became a novel that saved me from killing myself or going mad altogether lost in my mind.
The Tower of Brahma is my creation myth. It birthed me into who I would be when dreaming of the end of days as a child. A rockstar writer who paid his dues and made NYC his own, ready to meet fellow agents in the cause.
Revolution. That is what drips from the lips between sips of whiskey as we all sit upon the roof soothed by the rumble of the BQE, the city stretched long and vulnerable before us.
I want to change the world.
Welcome. Glad to have met another, seems it's getting tighter in Brooklyn as you can gather together without hitting birds of a feather. Creative chaosticians concocting mad schemes with the grandest dreams. All are drawn to the antennae: 39 N Henry.
If you ever told me that the most important role I would play in the cosmic drama that is unfolding would be organization I would have died of laughter. I grew up among utter mess of a teenage boy room, no big dreams, but full of feelings.
I never got people, per se. I see you, watch you, understand you, but never one of you. I think that's why I smile so much. Except for when I didn't, I cried, sighed and wanted to die for way too many years. I didn't want to be alone in hell.
Perhaps Hell seems harsh to say as I did enjoy myself endlessly. Every sensation is glorious, though anxiety and guilt got old. But I was alone because I refused to believe otherwise. Changing one's mind is the first step to changing the world.
And seriously it's way easier. The self is the greatest opponent of all time. But best the Ego and the Id can go all superego across the board. I get everything I want now. I keep my desires pure of heart and strong in spirit while giving all the time.
I love thy neighbor. Isn't it better to do it than know it?
I don't know how many members strong we are but I'll get around to counting heads and taking names, roles played and forces known. Of course we begin this reunion of new friends on Memorial Day, remembering ancient revelries of yesteryear.
An odyssey of alcohol whereupon we return to the shores of our rooftop tower. I returned from that voyage as a Viking of dance, a charmer of maidens fair, a soldier of chaos. It was there that I met someone familiar. She sounded like childhood and smiled like sand, sifting through fingers grip, I felt my heart skip.
But there is business to attend to. That was merely the open scene and so much must happen inbetween. I've never been the driven kind, more jazz run ragged and listen to the beat dance in my seat, but I write this to make it manifest. Twentysix letters will change everything.
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